The level at which on

The level at which one is aware of their own "controlling" behavior at work is very important. Everyone wants a degree of control in their universe. It is healthy unless one does not realize how it can distort one's reality. A successful person in the marketplace may be rewarded richly for being controlling, yet be baffled that the same controlling behavior backfires miserably at home, or in one's social life.

At work, the capacity to be in control can make one appear competent and accomplished. It can be seen as a leadership quality and bolster one's sense of power. Yet one can base too much of their self-esteem in this sort of external bolstering and it can lead to an unbalanced life.

The term "workaholic" is a catch-all word for this sort of controlling person. Workaholism is insidious. If you are reading this you probably know someone who fits the description. The need to control one's personal relationships as though they were business relationships simply does not work.

Awareness of one's need to control is the first step to changing the pattern. Shifting one's pattern happens when this awareness seeps into other areas of one's life. One can begin to exchange time at work with personal time. Investing in friends, activities outside work and family can allow one to start feeling more human again.

The habit of being controlling can be hard to overcome. Often, seeking outside support is recommended.

Warm Regards, Cheryl Deaner, LMFT 36764