One may not even consider what values they hold until they betray them. Betraying one's own values is unpleasant. It can lead to guilt and confusion and hurt and make it difficult to tell what right behavior even looks like.
Yet is one’s value system even workable in present day circumstances? Children often adopt their parent's values and then these almost-unconscious values often carry into adulthood. Depending on the family, the values transmitted by one’s family may be good, bad or even destructive.
However, there are times when changing one's values is likely not to be such a good idea. These include moments of high emotionalism, while being pressured to make at quick decision, or when one is under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Parting with one's values during these times can cause a world of hurt.
If one is in a value crisis, talking to a trusted friend, therapist or clergy member may support one in making good decisions. Talking with another can also help ameliorating the pain of having made mistakes.
Once a crisis has past, it may be time to evaluate one’s values, for better or for worse. Here are some ideas about how to update one’s sense of values:
1) Be honest with yourself (without judging yourself harshly). Have you betrayed your sense of values? If so, what needs to change? What values can you keep? Who can help you in the process?
2) Do the values you inherited from your family really work? If a family's values are set in stone, then they may not be able to support your outgrowing them. Find people in your life who can support your changes.
3) Remember the adage: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Putting oneself in another person's position is a powerful tool to developing one's sense of values. Conversely, It can also help you to notice whether others are treating you as a valuable person.
4) Make a list of traits that you admire. These might include concepts such as honesty, bravery, kindness, integrity or patience. Are the traits you admire in others reflected in your own sense of values?
Values provide one with guideposts, boundaries, protection and wisdom during stressful times. They help oneself and others. Today, take some time to think of the person you are now and the person you want to be. But most importantly in the process, be kind to yourself.