Cheryl Deaner Blog
Self Esteem

8/3/2017 6:24:33 PM UTC

The story you tell yourself about yourself is a good predictor of where you will go in life. So tell a good story! In that story you may be flawed, but be perfectly flawed.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." So don't give yourself consent to feel you are inferior. People come into therapy with all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. Many of these feelings are directed outward at someone or something else - a spouse, job or a circumstance. However, our reactions to others originate from the inside, and we actually do have control of our reactions to outside circumstances. Although it may feel temporarily good to blame others, in the longer term it leads one to see the world as being hopelessly out of control, and you as being powerless. Time to get Unstuck! Cheryl Deaner, LMFT 3676
My Emeryville/Oakland Office

7/10/2017 5:34:49 PM UTC

This is a photo of my East Bay office, tucked away in a garden.  I love working in this natural surrounding that is also urban.  It is located where Powell Street turns into Stanford near the Emeryville/Oakland border. 

I've been a licensed therapist for 17 years.  Being able to have a space that is private, peaceful and permanent is a great blessing.

Have a Great Week,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT #36764

Feelings are Not the Same as Facts

6/15/2017 6:00:51 PM UTC

Almost everyone knows that feelings and thoughts are different, but sometimes it is hard to acknowledge. One's ego is out there, the need for love, anger...and suddenly feelings sure do feel like facts! Codependency feeds upon ones emotional needs that have been so neglected it can be almost impossible to untangle the real from the unreal. For instance, the belief that sub-standard behavior in a partner will change on account of love. Or that anger of a perceived snub is justified, or that pain ignored just disappears. Once we believe our feelings are just the same as thinking, it is easy for reality to become distorted and for someone to get just exactly what they don't want. So when your feelings and thoughts are racing about a situation, just stop. Think it through. One always had the option to chose a productive action rather than a reaction. A little pause before reacting can change a life. Warmly, Cheryl Deaner. LMFT 36764
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Cheryl Deaner 2014